Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Have you ever needed a vacation? Have you ever taken complete care of someone or something for 686 of 690 days/nights? Have you ever been a mother?

I will tell you what, I am tired. I am tired of cleaning up piss from the floor- not because she is potty training, but because she takes off her pull-up to piss on the floor or bed. I am tired of taking "vacations" so other people can see Lola. Going to visit people doesn't help me to unwind, it is just new things for Lola to explore and get into. I still have to look after her. I love my baby, but I need to get the *!&# out. I need some time to myself!

Brian feels like he needs a break. Remember those 690 days? He had her by himself for 2. Otherwise, when I go out of town on these so called vacations, and when he goes to visit his friends (which, by the way, isn't very often) he is on a break from the family. Off the top of my head I can think of at least 18 days since February. WOW! Wouldn't that be nice! I am being mean, I know he needs a break.

I am a mother. I feel like it is my responsibility to take care of Lola ALL of the time. I need to learn to let go. By looking at the guilt I carry, you would think I grew up Catholic.

I know that I am just in a really bad mood, and tired and in pain, but is this what it is like to be a parent. Are mothers everywhere on the brink of madness? There isn't a lot stopping me from jumping onto the next train I see and riding away.


arwen said...

i have an idea.
when/ if you come down for Jones' bday, bring B. then, when it's time to leave... disappear. He will have to go home with L without you and then you can have a week off! I'll even take you home! How about it!?

I'll only charge you diamond plugs.
think about it.

bjm said...

Yes, it's normal because I've seen all my girlfriends go through this to some degree or other. You're either at work feeling guilty about not being home w/your child or at home going crazy......And no, very few Dads can appreciate how hard it is and they usually wimp out at 1 full day.....I think you need some adult "me time". And make sure that it's understood that this is non-negotiable. And I love Nelly Furtado!!