Wild Eyes

I am now that mom. I have the wild look in my eye. The look you recognize in someone else and hope you never wear- I have it. I remember hearing mothers talk about doing the grocery shopping in the middle of the night. I would think, you are crazy... just go to the store in the daytime like a normal person. Well, I have done it. In fact, it was just the other night. I left the house at 11:20 pm to go grocery shopping. I was wearing sweats (remember the days when I thought people wearing sweats out of the house had given up on life?) a tank top with vomit, Uggs and a parka. I was looking hot! Anyway, I did my shopping and ENJOYED myself! I was alone! I could look at (or not look at) whatever I wanted. I didn't have to hurry! I didn't have to explain everything from colors, to products, to my reasons why! It was GLORIOUS! The feeling wore off when I got the register with 4 WIC checks, but for 20 whole minutes, I was just me.

Dreams

I have been having crazy dreams this past few weeks. I think it is being pregnant and not really sleeping, but who really knows.
The other night I had a dream that I was taking a class in a nuclear plant. We were about to take a test and our teacher was giving us instructions. She then said when we were finished she was going to the hospital (also in the plant) to see Jonathan. Well, I figured out that this was my cousin, and asked that i go with her. As I walked down the stairs I see my aunt standing there. She was all frantic ans said my other cousin April would be really happy if I went and sat with them. So, I did.
I get into the room and April is so happy to see me. She says, "Do you want to hold him?" Now keep in mind that Jonathan and April are adults. I say, "okay," and they hand me a white potato bug with foil on his head. Inside the foil is a raw chicken breast (obviously his brain). Weird. He then says, "I want to be with my kind." WTF? I turn my head to look at April and he runs away.
I spent the rest of the night searching shagg carpet looking for a freaking potato bug. I wish I could just get some sleep!

It looks like 2 pigs fighting under a blanket

Why do women feel the need to comment on how a pregnant woman looks? I wouldn't tell my best friend that she looks like she is having twins, much less a stranger. Do you just walk up to any woman and tell her how giant she looks? I don't. Today I was at a yard sale walked by a lady and said, "you look miserable." Then I got to tell her that I still have 2 months to go. While I write this Brian asks why it is such a shot to my ego? I might scratch his eyes out. It really isn't a shot, I just think it is weird that pregnancy gives women license to say whatever they want to the prego woman. I don't do it, and I hope you don't either.

Undecided topic

Let me start by saying that my blog is really ugly. Just like me, it needs a makeover. So, as you may have already noticed, I have changed the name from ...So Excited I Could Pee to my favorite quote from Lola, "Boise is Beautiful and Hideous."
Okay, on to bigger and better or equally boring things.
1. I think I may be a terrible mother. I just made grilled cheeses for dinner. One got a little burned and the other was the most glorious looking sandwich I have ever seen. It was all golden and bubbly inside... yum! Anyway, i decided that i would give Lola the delish one, but I cut it into 4ths, and traded the most burned part of mine with her. What is wrong with me? That is not motherly at all! Moms are supposed to eat the crap and like it.
2. My cousin died this past weekend. Possible overdose, possible homicide, the findings are inconclusive at this point. I should have cried. I am sad, but can't actually feel the emotion. One may think I am in shock, but I am not sure that would be true. I have had 3 family members die since last Thanksgiving. WTF? Can this year just be over already! Anyway, it has me thinking about my pregnancy with Lola. I was the typical hormonal basket case. I cried over the most ridiculous things! Gosh, I felt like such a girl! Then she was born and I had zero emotion for about 1.5 years. I was a lot like a vampire. I knew there was supposed to be emotion, but tears were a thing of the past. So, am I there again? Hmmm.
3. My belly feels HUGE! I am 32 weeks and have 8 to go. Where is this baby going to grow? I waddle and feel like I am sitting on her head. I hope she isn't all squishy when I deliver. Oh, and what am I going name her??? The nameless baby! Lola was picked out by 3 months... I guess it is true that the second child doesn't get the same kind of attention as the first. I just thought I would at least name her.
4.I have decided to take up blogging again even though it isn't popular anymore.
5.Brian has a new job. Do you know what he is doing tonight? He is at the State Fair with a client. Lucky duck! I want to go to the fair! I mean, who doesn't like to see the giant horse dong? Really? Why do they have things like that? Sick!
Anyway, this is what I've got. peace

Dreams

I dreamed of you last night...
Funny how a dream can be so real. I could smell the salty air, feel the powder sand under my feet, and hear that song in the palms. It.Was.Wonderful.
It wasn't exactly the same as I remember, but it was still true. The streets were gone and the pathways wove in and out of little shacks. The crystal ocean licked the beach so gently I wanted to cry.
You are part of me now, and I will be back. I won't forget.